I did not do a bad thing.
I left a sick, toxic and damaging marriage.
The decision, escape and transition to 'normalality' so traumatic and devastating I nearly died.
The children were overtly and systematically brainwashed. Deviously and connivingly they were emotionally stripped from me.
I fought through the courts, but could not defeat a narcissistic sociopath.
The boys were actively encouraged not to have a relationship with me.
I strived and continue to strive to let the boys know I love and care for them and am there for them.
It has been years since I had a meaningful relationship with them.
I'm so tired of dreading Christmas or birthdays. Of people asking me about the boys.
I try to live my new life as an independent woman, with no children in her life.
Mostly now, I am succeeding, but there are times when I am catapulted back to the wreck of myself at the end of my marriage, where I feel I am bad and to blame for the present outcome.
Logically I know I am not, was not to blame, but strong subconscious trigger shoots my psyche back to the old worn familiar grooves of a woman surviving in a relationship with a dangerous man. And guilt. And I have to remind myself again:
I am not a bad person.
I did not do a bad thing.
When someone you love is toxic - how to let go without guilt
http://www.heysigmund.com/toxic-people-when-someone-you-love-toxic/
